Well Losties,
Let me set the stage for you. There I was, 2 ½ hours into my Lost Lines, humming right along. I was a mere 2 paragraphs away from completing yet another epic writing achievement. This one was the big one. I was thinking Oscar, Pulitzer, Emmy, and maybe (fingers crossed) even a Nobel for that monumental email. At the very least, I expected one of those big plastic trophies they hand out at 7 year old girls softball tournaments. But then, with the speed and precision of a fatty pouncing on a piping hot Meat Lover’s at a pizza buffet, it was gone. I don’t know what was more blank, the screen or my face. After a string of mental profanities the likes of which could and should never be equaled, I threw up my hands (and almost my lunch) and quit. I swore I would never attempt to recreate the perfection that was that email. But then, I started to think of my loyal peeps. I started to think of your poor, pathetic existences, and how I could bring some sliver of sunshine to your dark and dreary days. And I said “Ross, you must try. You must dig down deep into your literal bag of tricks and pull forth the most awesomely awesome Lines yet.” And so I did. The following is the most accurate representation of that magical email. Keep in mind, this was written BEFORE this week’s episode.